Get Out or Get Honest: Navigating Toxic Relationships

One of the most difficult tasks in adulting is recognizing when a relationship—romantic, familial, or otherwise—is not just dysfunctional, but toxic. That word gets thrown around a lot, often casually, but make no mistake: a genuinely toxic relationship is poisonous and corrodes your clarity, your confidence, and your capacity to live meaningfully.

The first task? Recognition. You must see the thing for what it is. When a relationship is defined by another’s attempt to control you (perhaps by any means necessary), it could be quite harmful. Control can look like manipulation, constant criticism, and emotional volatility (to name a few tools). These aren't “quirks.” They’re weapons. And if you endure them long enough, they turn your own thoughts against you.

You must begin with a simple but radical premise: you are worthy of being treated with respect. Not worshipped. Not catered to. Not always agreed with. But respected. If respect is missing, something has to shift.

Then comes boundary-setting. This isn’t about ultimatums or manipulation—it’s about drawing a line that says, “I am a person. And I get to say what is ok and not ok when others relate to me.” This may not be welcomed. Some people feed on blurred lines. So when you create clarity with them, expect pushback. Hold the line anyway.

Boundaries can differentiate “toxic” behavior from accidentally hurtful. When my wife and I were first wed, I did many things that she found offensive and hurtful. I didn’t know at the time how my behavior affected her. She let me know, and it gave me an opportunity to change and strengthen our connection. (The reverse was also true, by the way.) 

Use clear language. Be factual. Don’t say what you feel. For example: “You’ve interrupted me three times in the last 5 minutes. I need you to listen, please,” not “I feel like you don’t care what I have to say.” The first evidences a problem in a way that cannot be disputed, while the second communicates an interpretation and a judgment. The first another person can change. The second statement leaves only the option to dispute and defend.  

If things don’t improve? You may have to step away—or step out entirely. That’s not weakness. That’s discipline. Sometimes the only way to reclaim your peace is to walk away from what’s poisoning it.

And don’t do it alone. A therapist—a good one—can help you spot these patterns, understand their origins, and chart a new path forward. Because if you don’t address why you were drawn to this dynamic, you may well replicate it again and again, with different names and faces.

You are not a rehab center for broken adults. You are responsible for your own health and healing. Please show yourself the respect and dignity you need from others.